just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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