You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
