We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
