i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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