The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
