Christians are straight up FREAKS
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize