You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You need a sexual gate keeper
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
