Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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