Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
