Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I believe in your delicious
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
