Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
