I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
