Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
