Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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