Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
