Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
