he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
