OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
