I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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