so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
