yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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