Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.

(1-301): View more from Maryland

but u need boobs to get one in the first place.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.

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(360): View more from Washington

I went on an adventure and now we have more food.

(360): View more from Washington

Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!

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