I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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