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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...

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• (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.

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• (415): View more from California

  Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Post that event on your timeline

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me

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• (831): View more from California

  we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?

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• (714): View more from California

  I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.

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