He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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