I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
