Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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