Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is my gift to your gina
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
