I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
