i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
