Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
