Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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