I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
