I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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