All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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