Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize