well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
