I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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