and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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