$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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