So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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