"it" just moved
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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