And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
