we have officially lost it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize