McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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