I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize