Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
