oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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