Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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