By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
