I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
