God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
