she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize