This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
