all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This house was built for laser tag.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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