i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
