just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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