im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
