I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
