I'm so fucking centered right now
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Operation Purity has been aborted
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
