nut hugger
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
