They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You dont lie about slip and slides
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
