This is not my ceiling
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
