I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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