Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
