watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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