I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
