I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
