Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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