One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
