If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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