Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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